Weekly Thing – Brought to you by Big Tobacco

“It’s healthy because it comes from the ground”

If you ever hear someone say this to you, the only appropriate reactions are to A) Laugh; B) Frantically run away; or C)Calmly try to explain to them that that is one of the dumbest ideas currently circulating through drug and food culture.

This phrase has been used to defend the merits of not only drugs like mushrooms and marijuana, but also countless homeopathic and “all natural” remedies and diets. Now, I get the aim of this argument: Substances picked raw from nature will probably contain fewer additives or chemicals that are generated in labs with the intention of making things more addictive, enhancing shelf life, or lowering cost of production, and may contain more nutrients. Unfortunately, the given benefits pretty much end there, and I have been very generous with my interpretation.

Let’s do a quick test: Can you name anything that grows in nature that is unhealthy for you? I sure as hell hope you can at least think of poison ivy or the countless forms of mushrooms and berries that will fuck you up. If not, check this out – you might be surprised by some of the items on that list.

Point being, there is absolutely nothing in the description of “coming from the earth” that means something will be good for you; nor does it mean it will be better for you than something that is not. All that “coming from the earth” seems to mean is that it isn’t processed, and if you look at that list, there are a lot of things that are not processed that are terrible for you. The Earth is not our own personal chef or drug dealer that will cater to our every desire and need. In fact, it does not give a shit about your health, and if you are naive enough to think that something being “from the earth” is reason enough to shove it in yourself, The Earth has no problem with seriously fucking you up.

The Earth has been around a lot longer than us, and we are around today because our ancestors were able to figure out rather quickly that some things are good for us, and some things are not. There is some merit to eating more raw ingredients and less processed food, but in no way does that translate to something being good or better for you simply because it is not processed or direct from nature. There is no general rule here, treat everything as if it could be bad for you. Do the research – we live in the age of Google when every piece of information is less than a second away. Laziness isn’t even an excuse anymore.

So the next time someone runs this shit-pile of an argument on you, find the nearest clump of dirt, throw it in their face, and watch as nothing “good” happens.

Jeepers Creepers, people, get it together.


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