Weekly Thing – Brought to you by Thesauruses!

This one is for the ladies.

Poem Corner

Some Haikus for Celebrities with 5 syllable names, because I felt like.


Zooey Deschanel

 Thought you were Katy Perry

Sorry About That

Jessica Alba

Hot, talented, and charming

All your movies suck

Christopher Nolan

I’d like to think we are friends

Please return my calls

Updates to the Shit List:

Michael Keaton

If we can all just ignore Jack Frost, most of Multiplicity, and basically any other movies he’s done except the Batman movies, Beetlejuice, and The Other Guys, Keaton is awesome. Now, if right now you’re thinking, “hey, it seems like he’s made a lot more bad movies than good ones” – you’re right. He’s still on the shit list though. If you can’t handle that, then I suggest you find a new blog to pity-read. (Please don’t, I live on pity and discarded whiskey*)

Nicolas Cage

I don’t understand this guy at all, it’s like he’s actively trying to destroy his career and credibility, but he just keeps being awesome. I laughed at the trailer for “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”, but I caught a bit of it on tv the other day and I’ll be goddamned if he didn’t charm me in it. I feel like he can do whatever he wants now. He could spend the next 5 years making ghost rider movies exclusively, and I still think he would be taken seriously. Some people think he’s a vampire, but I don’t think that is quite enough. Anyone who can have a set of credentials that includes The Wicker Man,  a Charlie Kaufman movie, a Michael Bay movie,  and fucking THIS while owning a haunted house needs a title more prestigious than vampire. This guy is a freaking Elder-God or something. You know what? Screw it, Nicolas Cage gets to start a new list. Say hello to this blog’s first deity.

Elder-God

*Side note: if you have any unused whiskey laying around, I can take that off of your hands, no charge.

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